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| The Before |
Friday, December 14, 2012
Before picturess
Monday, October 15, 2012
Emotional Wellness - Managing the Stress update
So as most of you know, I'm been working hard at managing my stress level. It started with decreasing my work hours. I'm now averaging between 35 and 42 hours/week now. I've also dedicated myself to structuring my hours. Most employees have a set time they have to be at the office. I don't - and since my office is at home, you might think that's ideal scenario, but it's very hard to "close the door" on work when the office is open 24/7. So better managing my time has proven to be VERY helpful in decreasing my stress.
Another major thing I'm doing is giving myself weekends back. This has proven to be a great success. I'm working with My Sailor to create a schedule that will give me something to look forward to. His hours being so unpredictable makes it very challenging for us to set aside time together, so feeling like I'm always scrambling leaves me feeling exhausted and stressed. So this ties into the first thing I'm doing - making a schedule I can stick to.
One GREAT stress reliever was doing the Extreme Mud Run together. It was a great experience! We started "Together" but he beat me by a good margin. But that didn't matter. I was happy to face something I'd never done before and prove (to myself most of all) that I could do it! Click here to see my personal blog about the event.
And of course, getting my Zumba on really helps! Making healthier decisions as far as my eating goes always makes me feel less stressed, so I'm managing my time better on the food prep front. I still don't do a whole weeks worth of food at a time, but having only healthy options around is a great start. For the rest of the week, I'm replacing lunch w/ a protein shake and a salad. I just make sure to make enough salad for 2 meals each time I make a salad and voila! Easier dinners than ever! :)
What are you doing to de-stress yourself?
Another major thing I'm doing is giving myself weekends back. This has proven to be a great success. I'm working with My Sailor to create a schedule that will give me something to look forward to. His hours being so unpredictable makes it very challenging for us to set aside time together, so feeling like I'm always scrambling leaves me feeling exhausted and stressed. So this ties into the first thing I'm doing - making a schedule I can stick to.
One GREAT stress reliever was doing the Extreme Mud Run together. It was a great experience! We started "Together" but he beat me by a good margin. But that didn't matter. I was happy to face something I'd never done before and prove (to myself most of all) that I could do it! Click here to see my personal blog about the event.
And of course, getting my Zumba on really helps! Making healthier decisions as far as my eating goes always makes me feel less stressed, so I'm managing my time better on the food prep front. I still don't do a whole weeks worth of food at a time, but having only healthy options around is a great start. For the rest of the week, I'm replacing lunch w/ a protein shake and a salad. I just make sure to make enough salad for 2 meals each time I make a salad and voila! Easier dinners than ever! :)
What are you doing to de-stress yourself?
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
All the Wellness Wrapped Up - My Latest Doctor's Appointment
Today I found a new GP (General Practioner). I feel really good about this guy and it's only about 15 minutes away, which is awesome.
We talked about all the symptoms I've had for the last week which include a range of things from hot flashes, sleeplessness, upset stomach, high blood pressure (not dangerously high, but still higher than it should be), early pregnancy symptoms (no, I'm not pregnant), to the most bothersome- REALLY annoying, unrelenting shoulder pain.
Basically, we came to the conclusion that... I'm a stress case.
Surprised? I was. Sort of.
Not that I don't have a lot in my life to be stressed about. Like everyone else, there is no shortage of things for me to stress out about. I don't FEEL like I'm at my limit, but my body is letting me know that 1 hour of Zumba is not enough stress release for me.
So for the next month, I'm going to do bi-weekly posts focused on different ways to relieve stress, from bubble bathes to every-day doable stuff we all can work into our lives.
Hope you enjoy this wellness journey as much as I am going to!
We talked about all the symptoms I've had for the last week which include a range of things from hot flashes, sleeplessness, upset stomach, high blood pressure (not dangerously high, but still higher than it should be), early pregnancy symptoms (no, I'm not pregnant), to the most bothersome- REALLY annoying, unrelenting shoulder pain.
Basically, we came to the conclusion that... I'm a stress case.
Surprised? I was. Sort of.
Not that I don't have a lot in my life to be stressed about. Like everyone else, there is no shortage of things for me to stress out about. I don't FEEL like I'm at my limit, but my body is letting me know that 1 hour of Zumba is not enough stress release for me.
So for the next month, I'm going to do bi-weekly posts focused on different ways to relieve stress, from bubble bathes to every-day doable stuff we all can work into our lives.
Hope you enjoy this wellness journey as much as I am going to!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Emotional Wellness - A few words for the Broken Hearted
Lately, about a handful of my friends and aquintances are seperating, breaking up, and going through divorces.
Now, I'm a big fan of marriage. It's been good too me, even though this is my 2nd time around the block. I learned SO MUCH from my first marriage that I couldn't be more grateful for the experience. But that relationship played out as it was ment to - not to be forever, but to be a learning experience.
But that said, I'm NOT a fan of Divorce, but I do see it as a sometimes-necessary-evil. Everyone has their deal breakers (addiction w/o help, abuse physical or otherwise, infidelity, etc). That goes for me too.
When folks get married, I imagine that they come to the alter the same why I did - with every confidence that this is forever. No one (I hope) PLANS on getting a divorce while they are standing there. Even when divorce really is the BEST option for all involved, it's a very difficult process - emotionally speaking.
I remember feeling devastated. I spent a few days taking refuge at my parent's house just so I wasn't alone. A few days into it (and with some wise counsel from my mom), I realized that my problems weren't just going to go away if I hid under the covers. I had to face going back to the place my ex and I lived and sleeping alone, managing the bills alone, and getting through the every day stuff w/ no one around at the end of the night.
On some level, I felt instantly relieved that what had become a stressful relationship was over. But that didn't mean I didn't dissolve into tears out of the blue nearly every day for a few weeks.
I also remember feeling terribly guilty from time to time. Sometimes it was because I knew I wasn't the perfect wife. But then again, who is perfect?
I strongly remembered feeling ashamed. That was the worst part. Divorce, even in the best of cases, makes one doubt ones' self. After all, there are ALWAYS warning signs that a relationship is toxic (and I used 'toxic' because 'wounded' doesn't warrant divorce - that warrant's therapy). In re-reading some of my old journals, all the signs were CLEARLY there and I chose to overlook them at the time. It took a good deal of time to learn to accept that I'd made the best choices I felt I could have in that moment and let go of the shame. Yes, I hadn't picked the best match. Yes, I said "I Do" in front of the world. And now, well, "we don't". While that was hard to accept, I realized that the more I reached out for support - the more I found it. Lonely became less scary because I had friends and family (and a rockin' therapist). The shame was soon overwhelmed by the outpouring of love every time I reached out, and the overwhelming sense of gratitude for all the wonderful souls that had touched my life.
That doesn't mean it didn't hurt. For a long time it was like a bruise that would occasionally get "poked" by something. But ya know what?
What growth DOESN'T hurt?
Through the help of my amazing therapist, I learned several things that have helped me build a much stronger foundation in my relationships since then. Here's what I slowly came to realize after a year of counseling.
The only person's happiness that I can control is MY OWN.
There is rarely one party to "blame" during a divorce or break up. No one is perfect. My biggest flaw, looking back on it, was that I expected marriage to make me happy.
See, the magic of happiness works the other way around actually. I learned that when I'm happy and secure within myself, I can share that (and it tends to rub off on people), so it's worth taking the steps I need to take to make myself deeply content. I also learned that, while it's a blessing to make other people happy, if I rely on others to provide a response to make me happy - I could very well be waiting forever.
I learned that the beauty in saying, "I love you" is saying it because it's honestly how you feel, not because you "should" say it or you're fishing for/expecting a response in kind. The kind of "I love you's" that just need to be expressed are truly the most beautiful, no matter if it's returned or not.
Also learned that it's very possible to love something that isn't good for us. For example, how many people love cigars or fast food? They won't do us any favors, but it's hard to break those toxic relationship bonds.
I learned that, when I trust myself to make wise decisions, it's effortless to trust my partner. It's bred a much more relaxed relationship dynamic that I adore.
Being the type of partner I'd like to have in my life has worked out well for me. Now, not every relationship since my divorce has lead to marriage. Obviously I'm expecting this one to last forever. But every relationship has been too beautiful of a learning experience for me to regret a moment of any of them, even though they had to run their course.
Sure, getting divorced physically felt like cutting off my arm. It was a painful process, even though ours was very legally simple and generally trouble-free aside from splitting some debts.
I was scared to death those first few days.
But I learned that (emotionally speaking) arms grow back - and even stronger later in life.
Whatever storm seems like the end of the road now, if I could give those folks considering it any piece of advice (especially those with kids) it would be this - Do what you need to do in your life to make you whole. If after that, you don't feel like you can work on the marriage, then you've really done all you can do. The upside is, you'll be stable and you'll be able to impart stability in your family even after the huge change that divorce can be.
The downside? It'll still hurt, and our natural inclination is to avoid pain, right? Yup. But the difference between being alone and flying solo is all in your perspective.
(I'm also a big fan of getting personal therapy. It can really help sort out our issues and when 2 individuals fix themselves, they can come together as an even stronger team!)
What are some of the lessons you've learned from the growing pain that is heartache?
Now, I'm a big fan of marriage. It's been good too me, even though this is my 2nd time around the block. I learned SO MUCH from my first marriage that I couldn't be more grateful for the experience. But that relationship played out as it was ment to - not to be forever, but to be a learning experience.
But that said, I'm NOT a fan of Divorce, but I do see it as a sometimes-necessary-evil. Everyone has their deal breakers (addiction w/o help, abuse physical or otherwise, infidelity, etc). That goes for me too.
When folks get married, I imagine that they come to the alter the same why I did - with every confidence that this is forever. No one (I hope) PLANS on getting a divorce while they are standing there. Even when divorce really is the BEST option for all involved, it's a very difficult process - emotionally speaking.
I remember feeling devastated. I spent a few days taking refuge at my parent's house just so I wasn't alone. A few days into it (and with some wise counsel from my mom), I realized that my problems weren't just going to go away if I hid under the covers. I had to face going back to the place my ex and I lived and sleeping alone, managing the bills alone, and getting through the every day stuff w/ no one around at the end of the night.
On some level, I felt instantly relieved that what had become a stressful relationship was over. But that didn't mean I didn't dissolve into tears out of the blue nearly every day for a few weeks.
I also remember feeling terribly guilty from time to time. Sometimes it was because I knew I wasn't the perfect wife. But then again, who is perfect?
I strongly remembered feeling ashamed. That was the worst part. Divorce, even in the best of cases, makes one doubt ones' self. After all, there are ALWAYS warning signs that a relationship is toxic (and I used 'toxic' because 'wounded' doesn't warrant divorce - that warrant's therapy). In re-reading some of my old journals, all the signs were CLEARLY there and I chose to overlook them at the time. It took a good deal of time to learn to accept that I'd made the best choices I felt I could have in that moment and let go of the shame. Yes, I hadn't picked the best match. Yes, I said "I Do" in front of the world. And now, well, "we don't". While that was hard to accept, I realized that the more I reached out for support - the more I found it. Lonely became less scary because I had friends and family (and a rockin' therapist). The shame was soon overwhelmed by the outpouring of love every time I reached out, and the overwhelming sense of gratitude for all the wonderful souls that had touched my life.
That doesn't mean it didn't hurt. For a long time it was like a bruise that would occasionally get "poked" by something. But ya know what?
What growth DOESN'T hurt?
Through the help of my amazing therapist, I learned several things that have helped me build a much stronger foundation in my relationships since then. Here's what I slowly came to realize after a year of counseling.
The only person's happiness that I can control is MY OWN.
There is rarely one party to "blame" during a divorce or break up. No one is perfect. My biggest flaw, looking back on it, was that I expected marriage to make me happy.
See, the magic of happiness works the other way around actually. I learned that when I'm happy and secure within myself, I can share that (and it tends to rub off on people), so it's worth taking the steps I need to take to make myself deeply content. I also learned that, while it's a blessing to make other people happy, if I rely on others to provide a response to make me happy - I could very well be waiting forever.
I learned that the beauty in saying, "I love you" is saying it because it's honestly how you feel, not because you "should" say it or you're fishing for/expecting a response in kind. The kind of "I love you's" that just need to be expressed are truly the most beautiful, no matter if it's returned or not.
Also learned that it's very possible to love something that isn't good for us. For example, how many people love cigars or fast food? They won't do us any favors, but it's hard to break those toxic relationship bonds.
I learned that, when I trust myself to make wise decisions, it's effortless to trust my partner. It's bred a much more relaxed relationship dynamic that I adore.
Being the type of partner I'd like to have in my life has worked out well for me. Now, not every relationship since my divorce has lead to marriage. Obviously I'm expecting this one to last forever. But every relationship has been too beautiful of a learning experience for me to regret a moment of any of them, even though they had to run their course.
Sure, getting divorced physically felt like cutting off my arm. It was a painful process, even though ours was very legally simple and generally trouble-free aside from splitting some debts.
I was scared to death those first few days.
But I learned that (emotionally speaking) arms grow back - and even stronger later in life.
Whatever storm seems like the end of the road now, if I could give those folks considering it any piece of advice (especially those with kids) it would be this - Do what you need to do in your life to make you whole. If after that, you don't feel like you can work on the marriage, then you've really done all you can do. The upside is, you'll be stable and you'll be able to impart stability in your family even after the huge change that divorce can be.
The downside? It'll still hurt, and our natural inclination is to avoid pain, right? Yup. But the difference between being alone and flying solo is all in your perspective.
(I'm also a big fan of getting personal therapy. It can really help sort out our issues and when 2 individuals fix themselves, they can come together as an even stronger team!)
What are some of the lessons you've learned from the growing pain that is heartache?
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Physical + Emotional Wellness - Gracefull Opting Out
We're going on vacation! Let's eat!
Thanksgiving! Let's stuff ourselves until we pass out!
Christmas! Gotta try every cookie and sweet drink!
Valentine's Day! Chocolates for your sweet heart!
The weather's turning colder. Comfort food!
It's my birthday! Bring on the cake!
It's a wedding! Let's eat!
A friend is in town! Let's go out to lunch!
Let's go to a movie! We'll get popcorn, and candy, and soda...
The list goes on and on and on. At least once a month there is a "special event" that offers lots of tempting treats.
But when feasting first came along, it was a RARITY. - a couple times a year at best.
Recently, I was invited to the movies on a whim. I was happy to get out of the house and go, but I opted out of the feasting. No snacks for me. I drank a quick protein shake (Jillian Micheal's brand - delicious) and headed out. I sipped on a little bit of coke zero from My Sailor, but other than that, I opted out. He was even kind enough to surprise me with Red Vines - a favorite movie treat of mine. I thanked him, and slipped the unopened box into my purse.
That was a few days ago. The Red Vines? They've migrated from my purse to the pantry, and remain unopened.
Yesterday, My Sailor announced that our roommate was buying pizza. Great! I opted out. Why? Because I already had healthy dinner plans. Grilled chicken and salad. The boys enjoyed the pizza, and I ended up trading out my Grilled Chicken for a Lean Cuisine French Bread pizza, which had a MUCH lower fat content and was far more filling than a piece of delivery pizza.
That didn't mean I didn't enjoy the movie. I enjoyed it a lot! In fact, it was better because I wasn't focused on the food at my fingertips. I was focused on the film and the great company.
It's not always easy to do what's right for your body in social situations. "Feasting" is part of our culture and people often feel that those who don't engage in over-indulgence are "isolating" themselves, but that couldn't be further from the truth.
The way I see it, each of us has a finite amount of energy every day. For those of us who have struggled with weight loss and over eating, we think about food a LOT more than someone who has a healthy relationship with food.
So- what if we took all that time and energy we put into stressing out over food - and focused on our company? What if our checklist turned into something like:
1) Do what it takes to make the best choices for ourselves.
2) Do what it takes to treat others in a healthy fashion.
So just how do you stay social AND get healthy?
Pick some other activities that aren't related to food - like inviting a friend on a walk-and-talk. It's a great way to bond and, pick the right trail, it could be really fun! Can't do that? Why not invite a friend over to watch a movie at home and air pop some popcorn to enjoy. Or just go out to a meal and lead by example - order something good for your body, just like the company is good for the soul!
It's never easy to say "no thanks" to something that is popular that your body doesn't need, but it pays off. (This week, it's paying off by me being down THREE pounds! That's 7 pounds in 2 weeks!) But isn't that what change is all about? Doing something different to achieve a different result?
Understand that not everyone will be able to get on-board with your decisions. Relationships in my life that centered around food have had to find new footing, or become more distant.
But there is nothing more empowering than helping friends and family live longer., have more energy to share, and to be at their best.
Don't be afraid to do your own thing. Those that truly love you will come around. And who knows! You might make some new friends on the process!
As an example, most of the people I know up here in the PNW know that I drink A LOT of water. And I mean A LOT. I bought a 6 pack of bottles 12 oz and was completely through them in about 2-3 hours. When I'm in a show, a gallon jug of water is pretty much glued to my hip. It's become something my theater friends and I laugh about. But if we're laughing about it, we're talking about it, so it opens up a discussion of health benefits that isn't "preachy" or riddled with judgement. Instead, it gives me time to share how it works well for me. (In fact, I'm finding drinking a gallon or more every day really helps with the weight loss!)
You never know - you might just inspire someone else!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Physical Wellness - Battling My Bear
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| Celebratory trip to Disneyland after removal of an ovary that had pretty much become a tumor, and discovery of my bear. |
Like an estimanted 80 million women and girls worldwide, I'm wrestling with Endometriosis. Endometriosis (Endo for short) is a condition where endometrial cells start growing where they shouldn't. In cases like mine, they attach themselves to gastrointestinal structures, effectively gluing thing together that shouldn't be glued. It hurts, but it's not a constant pain. Just a daily one. There really isn't a "treatment" for Endo, aside from surgery. In my personal case, it's believed that surgery would do more harm than good, as I have a gentic scarring condition that makes the result of surgery often more painful than whatever they were going in to fix. Since it isn't organ/life threatening, I've opted to leave it alone (for now) and work through it.
What does not kill us makes us stronger is very true.
Endo can make it challenging to work out. Anything more than swimming often makes it act up.
Being in chronic pain can also do a number on your mood and spirit. It's easy to just curl up in a ball and live in the pain and depression, rather than to challenge it.
I'm not really one for "easy" anything.
So I challenge it. How? By working out - running particularly. You can bet all that jostling around makes it hurt, but the ipod blaring the motivational song of the day in my ears helps me get my mind off of it. I imagine running away from it, and it keeps me going. When that's too much, swimming is a great way to get my work out in, without doing too much impact damage on my body. I aim to endure as much as I can, and only pop the Advil if it gets too much. (Of course, by this point, I'm popping about 800-1200mg, but usually one dose of that makes it tolerable again.)
I'm lucky. It's pretty rare (right now, anyway) that I stumbled nauseated into the bathroom and pray to the porcelin god. It happens, but it's rare. I decided a long time ago that no matter what is going wrong in my body, it won't define who I am. That's a choice I make, not a circumstance I find myself in.
My point is - everyone has a Bear. Most of us have several. How do we fight the Bear? One day, sometimes one moment, at a time. One small change can make a great difference in defeating it.
Sure, not every day/moment is a victory. "Some days, you eat the bear. Some days, the bear eats you. But ALWAYS dress for the hunt!"
How will you fight your bear this week?
One thing remains constant. Bear meat tastes amazing.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Physical + Emotional Wellness - Picking Yourself Up.
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| "NOTHING tastes as good as Victory feels." - Me |
And today - I'm 2lbs away from my heaviest weight since 2009.
Yikes! So what happened? I can blame it on hormones, since my body is going through some craziness that's out of my control. I can blame it on stress, 'cause God knows I've had enough of that going around lately, between planning a wedding, dealing with military stuff, work stuff, and the stress that goes along with having a close family member fight cancer.
I really do have some great excuses.
But when it all comes down to it, the facts are the facts. And facing that you've fallen on your face isn't easy. Especially for someone like me. Some days it feels like that little voice inside my head is just looking for reasons to reinforce that awful feeling for "you're just a failure" all over again.
Well, it's time to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get busy living.
With that in mind, I looked back on some of my triumphs and realized, "I did it once; I can do it again."
It's not going to be easy. It is going to take work. I'll probably be sore, a lot. I'll miss out on some things because I'm choosing NOT to miss out on taking care of myself. I'll find a new normal.
I know I can tone up and lose weight. Not just for the wedding, but forever.
And when my inspiration fails, I know I can remember those closest to me that motivate me without even trying. Like my mom, who fought Endometriosis (one of my conditions as well) AND stayed in shape by teaching Jazzersize THROUGH the pain. Like my dad, who's fighting Pancreatic Cancer by staying active despite his Chemo. Like my friend with 2 kids (one that's special needs) that runs MARATHONS! If they can deal with what they are dealing with AND take care of their friends and loved ones, then I can CERTAINLY make time to take better care of myself.
Everyone will fail. It's part of life. But I can either wallow in it, or learn from it and move on success.
Hitting a low reminds me that every day is 'decision time.'
So, Hakuna Matata failure. It's time to succeed.
Nothing tastes as good as Victory feels.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Physical + Mental Wellness = You only Fail when you Give Up
It's so easy to listen to that fatalistic voice in my head that says, "Why try? It's never going to get any better." Trust me. That voice has been loud and clear fairly often in my life. Somedays, it's just hard to empower the tiny voice that says, "This is just another challenge. You'll get there. Just keep working at it."
When I saw this floating around on a health blog I poke my head into every once in a while, I was shocked into remembering that failure really isn't about 'not seeing the results I want'. Failure is about giving up. Giving up on setting goals (because even 5lbs feels unattainable right now) because I don't believe in myself is the greatest failure of all.
So I've grabbed some ammo (aka rallied the troops) and I'm back on track. With only 54 days until the wedding, I'm taking my focus OFF the scale, and putting it ON to completing a program of my choosing starting in July. Something to get me stronger, faster, and leaner so I can out run those zombies (and survivors) during the Run for Your Lives 5k coming up in just 6 weeks, but more importantly so I feel healthy - no matter what the 'number' on the scale is.
After all, "If you build it, they will come." If I put the work in, the results will follow, even with the cards stacked against me. (If you follow my personal blog, you know all about the crazy things going on in my body making weight loss nearly impossible, and weight gain seemingly inevitable.) I've been blessed by so many great, inspirational people in my life, especially when it comes to health issues. I owe it to the wisdom they've given me and to the affection I feel for them to get and stay healthy for as long as possible.
Taking steps to feel healthy should be easy, but self-doubt screams so loudly sometimes. Whether that health includes a healthy body image (which so many of us struggle with), a healthy weight, a healthy relationship, or a healthy state of mind/spirit, true change can seem like an overwhelming task.
But really, it's very simple.
There are 2 rules I plan to follow.
#1 - Make the best choices in the moment to help me reach my goal. Making healthy leaps comes from making healthy choices in the moment, not making BIG choices. Every little choice adds up!
#2 - DON'T GIVE UP!
What are your 2 rules?
Friday, June 15, 2012
Emotional/Spiritual Wellness: Contentment vs Jealousy
(cue Sixth Sense voice) "I see pregnant people."
Well, okay, only pregnant women. I've yet to actually see a pregnant man in person. But lately, there have been several pregnant people around me. Oddly enough, I've also been able to help a friend through her infertility struggles as well, and that's as healing for me as it is for her.
And let's be honest.
I wouldn't be one of those "glowing" pregnant women. I'd be one of these -
Not because I battle infertility. My lower abdomen has been making it's disease process well known all week long. It's not nearly intolerable - just annoying.
I feel like I'm lucky because I'm in a beautiful place in my life where I'm able to simply be happy for those that are pregnant, rather than see it as a "there must be something wrong with me as a woman because my body can't do what other body's seem to do so easily."
I feel like I'm lucky because my life is good - with or without children. Without childeren, I have a bit more flexiblity in my "get up and go". I could travel the world without having to worry about packing diapers. I can go for a walk without pushing a stroller.
There was a time when seeing people pregnant started this huge inner conflict. I realized that I was 'shoulding' myself to death. By 26, I figured I should be married, and there I was divorced. I figured I should be a certain size all my life, and I never reached it. I figured I should have a family by 29, but by 29, I was still a family of one - me.
Now, as I round the other side of 32, I've long since internalized the lesson-
"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." ~Jennifer James
Choosing to count what you don't have over what you do have is taking the path of Fear. After all, aren't you feeling envious or pained because you're 'afraid' that you won't have it?
Choosing to share in their joy and being grateful for your life is choosing the path of Love. After all, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou
Well, okay, only pregnant women. I've yet to actually see a pregnant man in person. But lately, there have been several pregnant people around me. Oddly enough, I've also been able to help a friend through her infertility struggles as well, and that's as healing for me as it is for her.
And let's be honest.
I wouldn't be one of those "glowing" pregnant women. I'd be one of these -
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| Source |
Super stressed, high risk, trying to figure out how to make ends meet without a roommate (because he would have to go if a kid was coming home) with increased expenses, decreased income, oh, and did I mention deployments and no one in the area I know well enough to count on (despite my best efforts thus far)? I'm the cheif breadwinner 'round these parts right now and have always been able to financially support myself, so it would be really weird for me to change those roles anyway.
That's when it dawned on me. I'm pretty lucky.
That's when it dawned on me. I'm pretty lucky.
Not because I battle infertility. My lower abdomen has been making it's disease process well known all week long. It's not nearly intolerable - just annoying.
I feel like I'm lucky because I'm in a beautiful place in my life where I'm able to simply be happy for those that are pregnant, rather than see it as a "there must be something wrong with me as a woman because my body can't do what other body's seem to do so easily."
I feel like I'm lucky because my life is good - with or without children. Without childeren, I have a bit more flexiblity in my "get up and go". I could travel the world without having to worry about packing diapers. I can go for a walk without pushing a stroller.
There was a time when seeing people pregnant started this huge inner conflict. I realized that I was 'shoulding' myself to death. By 26, I figured I should be married, and there I was divorced. I figured I should be a certain size all my life, and I never reached it. I figured I should have a family by 29, but by 29, I was still a family of one - me.
Now, as I round the other side of 32, I've long since internalized the lesson-
"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." ~Jennifer James
Choosing to count what you don't have over what you do have is taking the path of Fear. After all, aren't you feeling envious or pained because you're 'afraid' that you won't have it?
Choosing to share in their joy and being grateful for your life is choosing the path of Love. After all, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou
Granted, that doesn't mean I go to baby showers or most young children's birthday parties. (I kinda think young kids birthday parties are a little silly for adults w/o kids to attend.) Emotions when you're dealing with infertility can be tough, and I'll admit, there are times when I choose the path of Fear over the path of Love. Nobody is perfect. But it doesn't mean I can't send my love, or a card, or a gift, or enjoy chatting with them about their new stage in life.
I'm so grateful to be in a place in my life were I'm done 'shoulding' myself, and 'keeping up with the Jones'. What's right for me, may not be right for everyone else. If we all shared the same life path and template, how boring that would be! But that doesn't mean there is something 'wrong' with me. My biological clock stopped screaming at me years ago and I focus now on feeling good, over choosing to believe that my worth as a woman lies only in my uterus.
What are you 'shoulding' yourself about?
What are you 'shoulding' yourself about?
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Emotional/Spiritual Wellness: Living Inspired
 |
| American Standard - w/ one of co-stars, Craig |
In my mid-20's, I had a huge, life changing event. I got divorced. It was truly my worst fear, so I had run from every red flag that the relationship wasn't working out. But moments like these, when we feel completely deconstructed, give us a chance to change the map of our lives. For me, the unspoken cost of divorce wasn't in the money. It was in the friendships I had to let go of because the pain was just too overwhelming (both for me, and for them).
So I realized that I had a choice. I could be alone and miserable, or I could branch out, reach out, and make new friends. That started with my theater group. At that time, I was in a Musical called American Standard. (In fact, the divorce was brought to my attention 3 days before the show opened. Though there is never a "good time" for things like that, it was probably the best timing, in hindsight.)The show sold out on a regular basis, and the cast and crew carried me through. American Standard lifted me up, and in so many ways, reshaped the way I found life today.
After American Standard closed, I got cast in another play.
And after that, another play.
It just continued and grew, and my friendships did as well. A few 'show friends' gave me the pleasure of their company during the show, but a select few stuck around.
Community Theater also hooked me with another handful of inspiring people, and it taught me a lesson I long to pass on (since it's done me so much good).
Surround yourself with people who inspire you to be better.
I don't mean those people who nag you (though sometimes inspiring folks will nag - because they care about you enough to want you to be better). I mean those people who inspire you just by living their own lives. Randy Pausch said, " When you're screwing up, and people stop telling you, it means they've given up on you." Largely, I agree.
And so many of friends do that - Bon Bon inspired me with her willingness to love despite heartbreak, her openness to new things, her athleticism. Doing a Triathlon because she asked me to really changed my life for the better, and resulted in building my confidence.
Craig encourages me to keep going in theater and proves that there is a delicate balance between relationships and showbiz. It's a balance I still struggle to keep.
Jonathon inspired me to be more eco-friendly and not to focus on the "money" of life so much. He's also inspired me to work hard, and follow my heart. I couldn't be more grateful for crossing his path.
Val inspired me with her faith, and her strength to do what was right for her after her divorce.
My Dad inspires me with his positive attitude even when facing Stage 4 Inoperable Pancreatic Cancer.
And that is just to name a few....
And My Sailor has inspires me as well. When I think I can't work out a little harder, I'm reminded of how hard he works. How hard boot camp must have been... and if he can do that, then I can certainly work out a little longer, run a little further, etc.
Who inspires you? The more people you can learn from, the better 'you' you can be.
What can you learn from someone close to you today?Monday, February 27, 2012
Physical + Emotional Wellness - INSPIRATION
Inspiration is so incredibly valuable in my life. It's something I've created for myself and sought out nearly every day.
With that in mind, I thought I'd share something that inspired me...
http://voiceofmousetunes.blogspot.com/2012/02/walt-disney-world-princess-half.html
I hope you all find my friend's story inspirational too!
With that in mind, I thought I'd share something that inspired me...
http://voiceofmousetunes.blogspot.com/2012/02/walt-disney-world-princess-half.html
I hope you all find my friend's story inspirational too!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Financial Wellness - Navigating Net Deals for Non-Couponers
I rarely use coupons. I've tried to use them a lot, but I find that I'm equally interested in what is in my food as I am in the price. Buying fresh and on sale saves me a LOT of money. (Stay tuned for the grocery shopping experiment!)
I've discovered a few tricks online that have helped me earn money while not going out of my way or taking a significant amount of time. Changing up the online routine just a little tiny bit, can make you a big chunk of change when the year is over. Here are a few online programs that I take advantage of often - and my honest, first hand experience with them.
How it works - install the search tool bar and you get points for using their search engine. You can also get "points" for going to the Swagbucks page and using them as a search engine to lead you to your favorite stores online. Order from the stores and "swagbucks" are added to your account. Swagbucks can be used to play games on their site, and also can be cashed in for gift cards and other goodies. I've used this for a couple days and have currently accumulated 114 Swagbucks in 2 days. It'll take about 2 weeks to earn enough Swagbucks to get a $5 gift card, but $5 free dollars I didn't have before to Barnes and Noble, Starbucks, Amazon, The Macaroni Grill, or even $5 in my Paypal account sounds awesome! Little bits add up! I think of it this way - if I keep approximately the same amount of activity going on my Swagbucks account - I'll get $10 in Paypal/month. That's $120 dollars/year. Who couldn't use an extra $120/year? You also have access to a bunch of printable coupons, which you get Swagbucks for using.
Disney Movie Rewards -
How It Works - If you're a Disney fan like me and you haven't joined this site, you're missing out! When you purchase a Disney movie or a Disney CD, you'll find a pamphlet that will give you a code. Type in this code and you get "Reward Points". Cash in your reward points for fun Disney stuff (most of it exclusive to Rewards members). Save up your points, and you can get discounts towards Disney-centered travel through Delta. Occasionally they offer Disney Gift Cards as well.
Ebates.com -
How it works - Ebates is similiar to Swagbucks only you get REAL MONEY back. However, instead of being awarded just for searching, or downloading a tool bar, you actually have to make a purchase at a store you found through the Ebates search engine. However, you don't have to download or install anything to use this service. And they have ALL your favorite stores, and then some. I made $60 last year, just ordering things I'd normally order and getting a % back. In fact, I've gotten pretty good at trying something on in a store, taking a photo of it, and then finding it online (usually cheaper) through ebates. I not only get a great deal for buying it online, but I get a % back! This includes travel sites like Priceline, Travelocity, Expedia, and more. It really is one of the best finds. You can redeem these REAL dollars for gift cards, or a "big fat check". They'll mail you a check, or (if you're me) they'll deposit it into your Paypal account.
Got a great online tip?
Share it here!
I've discovered a few tricks online that have helped me earn money while not going out of my way or taking a significant amount of time. Changing up the online routine just a little tiny bit, can make you a big chunk of change when the year is over. Here are a few online programs that I take advantage of often - and my honest, first hand experience with them.
Swagbucks -
How it works - install the search tool bar and you get points for using their search engine. You can also get "points" for going to the Swagbucks page and using them as a search engine to lead you to your favorite stores online. Order from the stores and "swagbucks" are added to your account. Swagbucks can be used to play games on their site, and also can be cashed in for gift cards and other goodies. I've used this for a couple days and have currently accumulated 114 Swagbucks in 2 days. It'll take about 2 weeks to earn enough Swagbucks to get a $5 gift card, but $5 free dollars I didn't have before to Barnes and Noble, Starbucks, Amazon, The Macaroni Grill, or even $5 in my Paypal account sounds awesome! Little bits add up! I think of it this way - if I keep approximately the same amount of activity going on my Swagbucks account - I'll get $10 in Paypal/month. That's $120 dollars/year. Who couldn't use an extra $120/year? You also have access to a bunch of printable coupons, which you get Swagbucks for using.
Disney Movie Rewards -
How It Works - If you're a Disney fan like me and you haven't joined this site, you're missing out! When you purchase a Disney movie or a Disney CD, you'll find a pamphlet that will give you a code. Type in this code and you get "Reward Points". Cash in your reward points for fun Disney stuff (most of it exclusive to Rewards members). Save up your points, and you can get discounts towards Disney-centered travel through Delta. Occasionally they offer Disney Gift Cards as well.
Ebates.com -
How it works - Ebates is similiar to Swagbucks only you get REAL MONEY back. However, instead of being awarded just for searching, or downloading a tool bar, you actually have to make a purchase at a store you found through the Ebates search engine. However, you don't have to download or install anything to use this service. And they have ALL your favorite stores, and then some. I made $60 last year, just ordering things I'd normally order and getting a % back. In fact, I've gotten pretty good at trying something on in a store, taking a photo of it, and then finding it online (usually cheaper) through ebates. I not only get a great deal for buying it online, but I get a % back! This includes travel sites like Priceline, Travelocity, Expedia, and more. It really is one of the best finds. You can redeem these REAL dollars for gift cards, or a "big fat check". They'll mail you a check, or (if you're me) they'll deposit it into your Paypal account.
Got a great online tip?
Share it here!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Financial + Physical Wellness - Local Orowheat Outlets
When I discovered this place in my hometown of Escondido, California, I will admit, I drove right by. For YEARS.
Then I happened to move into an expensive condo right across the street from it. When money ran tight, I decided to poke my head in. It quickly became a regular haunt to stock up on the healthy, high quality breads that would have cost double, if not triple at the large chain grocery stores.
When I moved to Washington, I was on the look out for a similar location. I just happened to drive by one one day. I bought 3 months worth of bread for under $7. I just ran out, so I went back to stock up again.
Today's haul filled up this shopping bag:
Sure, it's a 20 minute drive (it's located in Bremerton, in case your curious).
But here's the itemized list -
2 loaves of Double Fiber bread (Retail price: $4.70 each)
1 loaf Dark Rye (Retail price: $4.80 each)1 loaf Sunmaid Cinnamon Raisin (Retail price: $4 est.)
1 Pack Whole Wheat Buns (Retail Price: $4)1 Pack Thomas Hearty Grains Whole Wheat Bagels (Retail Price: $3)1 Pack Thomas Raisin Bagel (Retail price: $3)
TOTAL IF BOUGHT AT A MAJOR GROCERY STORE = $ 28.20!!!!!
MY TOTAL COST AT THE OUTLET STORE?
$8.64! Yes, there was an additional $.96 savings as part of a promotion they are currently running, but they ALSO have a punch card, so you get punches towards freebies with each purchase, and 1 day each week is Double Punch Card day.
So I saved around $20 - and our freezer is full of healthful tasty treats! "Stock Up" style shopping also has some major pluses as well. I'm less likely towaste spend money at coffee shops if I have bagels and coffee at home. I also have all the nutritional information at my finger tips so I can make a better, more informed decision regarding what I put in my mouth.
Now, a small disclaimer here - I don't usually make sandwiches with my bread. I find that I need a good crunch, so I prefer to toast something yummy up instead, so my bread can go directly from the freezer to the toaster, keeping it fresher longer. However, I've also had no problems with bread spoiling from being left out.
Bread products can be such a great way to get fiber into our diets. One of the chief reasons "low-carb" diets work is because people often are lured into buying low quality bread because "it's cheaper". But if you shop like this, and look at the long term health benefits, is it really "cheaper"?
You CAN have your bread, and eat it too.
Then I happened to move into an expensive condo right across the street from it. When money ran tight, I decided to poke my head in. It quickly became a regular haunt to stock up on the healthy, high quality breads that would have cost double, if not triple at the large chain grocery stores.
When I moved to Washington, I was on the look out for a similar location. I just happened to drive by one one day. I bought 3 months worth of bread for under $7. I just ran out, so I went back to stock up again.
Today's haul filled up this shopping bag:
But here's the itemized list -
1 loaf Dark Rye (Retail price: $4.80 each)1 loaf Sunmaid Cinnamon Raisin (Retail price: $4 est.)
1 Pack Whole Wheat Buns (Retail Price: $4)1 Pack Thomas Hearty Grains Whole Wheat Bagels (Retail Price: $3)1 Pack Thomas Raisin Bagel (Retail price: $3)
TOTAL IF BOUGHT AT A MAJOR GROCERY STORE = $ 28.20!!!!!
MY TOTAL COST AT THE OUTLET STORE?
$8.64! Yes, there was an additional $.96 savings as part of a promotion they are currently running, but they ALSO have a punch card, so you get punches towards freebies with each purchase, and 1 day each week is Double Punch Card day.
So I saved around $20 - and our freezer is full of healthful tasty treats! "Stock Up" style shopping also has some major pluses as well. I'm less likely to
Now, a small disclaimer here - I don't usually make sandwiches with my bread. I find that I need a good crunch, so I prefer to toast something yummy up instead, so my bread can go directly from the freezer to the toaster, keeping it fresher longer. However, I've also had no problems with bread spoiling from being left out.
Bread products can be such a great way to get fiber into our diets. One of the chief reasons "low-carb" diets work is because people often are lured into buying low quality bread because "it's cheaper". But if you shop like this, and look at the long term health benefits, is it really "cheaper"?
You CAN have your bread, and eat it too.
Physical + Emotional Wellness - Hugs are healthy!
Have you ever had one of those days where you've just needed a hug? I know I have! While I've never been a touchy-feely type (in fact, I worked hard to allow casual touch without feeling weird about it), I'll admit, there are times when I've needed one... or a few.
Even an independent soul like me can admit that we (as people) really do need one another. Whether it's a lover, a friend, a parent, or a family member, giving and receiving physical affection can have some startling, scientifically proven affects!
A team for the University of North Caroline studied the effects of hugs on 76 people in 2005. BBC News reports - "The study showed hugs increased levels of oxytocin, a "bonding" hormone, and reduced blood pressure - which cuts the risk of heart disease." (Source)
The study goes on to note that, both genders had a rise in oxytocin, and lower levels of cortisol.
What is cortisol, and why is it important?
Coristol is a hormone secreted during stressful situations. When released chronically or in excess it can have pathological effects including (source):
- Suppressed immunity
- Hypertension
- High blood sugar (hyperglycemia)
- Insulin resistance
- Carbohydrate cravings
- Metabolic syndrome and type 2 diabetes
- Fat deposits on the face, neck, and belly
- Reduced libido
- Bone loss
So - whether your single or not, hug someone today!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Emotional Wellness - "Comfort Foods" gone Bad (the effects of processed food on mood)
I love french fries. I used to be well addicted to them.
On my drive home from work after a stressful day?
$2 and a drive through McDonald's got me a few minutes of peace - a small french fry and small diet soda. After all, I "deserved" it and "the calories aren't THAT bad if I get the smallest size", right?
What I didn't realize was that I wasn't comforting myself. I was actually making any stress or depressed funk I was in WORSE, though I swear I didn't feel that way in the moment.
Processed foods contain lots of sodium (bad for the heart), sometimes lots of fat (bad for the heart again), and lots of sugar. Yes, even french fries have refined sugars (especially McD's).
So what do we know about refined sugars? Let's glimpse at the science behind it -
"Processed sugars and carbohydrates, which turn into sugar, cause a rise in the insulin level of the blood. This also raises the endorphins level, a natural mood upper in the brain. These sugars causes the body to have a chemical high, mentally, which results in a lift in mood. Continuous large doses of sugar and/or carbohydrates, overtime, usually cause the brain's endorphins sites to slow production or close sites to regulate the amount of endorphins in the brain. When the body cuts back on endorphin production it reduces the amount of endorphins available in the body at any given time. The lack of enough endorphin in the brain causes slight to deep depression. " - Annette Nay, PhD (Source)
Basically - it many of our processed "comfort foods" give us a "fix" - a short term high that will cause a long term crash as we continue the behavior. Eventually, we'll need more and more of the processed sugar/food to get the SAME 'high' as that first french fry.
But have you ever tried to go off crap food (french fries) cold turkey?! If you're anything like me, you find yourself a bit cranky and moody for a while! Why? Well, as Dr. Nay explains -
"...when processed sugar is stopped there are two chemical related reasons for the resulting depression. There is the glut of insulin depressing the system and the lack of endorphins in the brain. "
So you're CHEMICALLY depressed! Now isn't that a nasty thing? You went out for some french fries to make you feel better after a long hard day, and low and behold, you walk out needing ANOTHER DRUG (anti-depressants) to fix the "fix" from the sugar!
I don't crave french fries anymore. I broke my addiction by realizing that a small order of French Fries is just the first step down a dangerous path for me.
Now - that's just because I can't stop at 1 french fry. Moderation is key in all things in life. But since this is an Emotional Wellness blog - here are a few thoughts.
I'm still a stress eater. When I'm stressed out, I want to just eat and eat and eat. I don't keep stuff that will throw completely sabotage my weight around the house, so if I do reach for food when I'm stressed, it's an apple (same sugar addiction at work, only this is a healthy way to get a mood boost - "The difference between fructose, that is the natural sugar in fruit, and processed sugars is that fructose still has its chemical bonds intact. This causes the body to take a longer period of time to break down the different chemical bonds. As the body dissolves each type of sugar it is releases a moderate amount of sugar over time. This gives a continuous energy boost to the body and a slightly elevates mood (Whitney, Cataldo, & Rolfes, 1991)." )
I thought the information was interesting just to throw out there. If you're looking to control your anxiety or depression, it might be worth looking at just what you're literally feeding the inner dog. If it's processed foods and sugars, you might just be compounding the problem.
No one is cheerful all the time. That would be as unnatural as the processed foods we scarf down from drive-thru windows. It IS completely naturally to sit with our feelings and feel them whatever they are - sad, happy, stressed, etc. Stuffing emotions (with food or just by clamming up) only makes them harder to cope with.
So here's to "unstuffing" ourselves.
Comment activity for readers:
What do you "stuff" your stress or negative emotions with?
On my drive home from work after a stressful day?
$2 and a drive through McDonald's got me a few minutes of peace - a small french fry and small diet soda. After all, I "deserved" it and "the calories aren't THAT bad if I get the smallest size", right?
What I didn't realize was that I wasn't comforting myself. I was actually making any stress or depressed funk I was in WORSE, though I swear I didn't feel that way in the moment.
Processed foods contain lots of sodium (bad for the heart), sometimes lots of fat (bad for the heart again), and lots of sugar. Yes, even french fries have refined sugars (especially McD's).
So what do we know about refined sugars? Let's glimpse at the science behind it -
"Processed sugars and carbohydrates, which turn into sugar, cause a rise in the insulin level of the blood. This also raises the endorphins level, a natural mood upper in the brain. These sugars causes the body to have a chemical high, mentally, which results in a lift in mood. Continuous large doses of sugar and/or carbohydrates, overtime, usually cause the brain's endorphins sites to slow production or close sites to regulate the amount of endorphins in the brain. When the body cuts back on endorphin production it reduces the amount of endorphins available in the body at any given time. The lack of enough endorphin in the brain causes slight to deep depression. " - Annette Nay, PhD (Source)
Basically - it many of our processed "comfort foods" give us a "fix" - a short term high that will cause a long term crash as we continue the behavior. Eventually, we'll need more and more of the processed sugar/food to get the SAME 'high' as that first french fry.
But have you ever tried to go off crap food (french fries) cold turkey?! If you're anything like me, you find yourself a bit cranky and moody for a while! Why? Well, as Dr. Nay explains -
"...when processed sugar is stopped there are two chemical related reasons for the resulting depression. There is the glut of insulin depressing the system and the lack of endorphins in the brain. "
So you're CHEMICALLY depressed! Now isn't that a nasty thing? You went out for some french fries to make you feel better after a long hard day, and low and behold, you walk out needing ANOTHER DRUG (anti-depressants) to fix the "fix" from the sugar!
I don't crave french fries anymore. I broke my addiction by realizing that a small order of French Fries is just the first step down a dangerous path for me.
Now - that's just because I can't stop at 1 french fry. Moderation is key in all things in life. But since this is an Emotional Wellness blog - here are a few thoughts.
I'm still a stress eater. When I'm stressed out, I want to just eat and eat and eat. I don't keep stuff that will throw completely sabotage my weight around the house, so if I do reach for food when I'm stressed, it's an apple (same sugar addiction at work, only this is a healthy way to get a mood boost - "The difference between fructose, that is the natural sugar in fruit, and processed sugars is that fructose still has its chemical bonds intact. This causes the body to take a longer period of time to break down the different chemical bonds. As the body dissolves each type of sugar it is releases a moderate amount of sugar over time. This gives a continuous energy boost to the body and a slightly elevates mood (Whitney, Cataldo, & Rolfes, 1991)." )
I thought the information was interesting just to throw out there. If you're looking to control your anxiety or depression, it might be worth looking at just what you're literally feeding the inner dog. If it's processed foods and sugars, you might just be compounding the problem.
No one is cheerful all the time. That would be as unnatural as the processed foods we scarf down from drive-thru windows. It IS completely naturally to sit with our feelings and feel them whatever they are - sad, happy, stressed, etc. Stuffing emotions (with food or just by clamming up) only makes them harder to cope with.
So here's to "unstuffing" ourselves.
Comment activity for readers:
What do you "stuff" your stress or negative emotions with?
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Emotional Wellness - FAQ "Feeding the Dog"
"If you wish the dog to follow you, feed him."
I love the visualization in this quote. Everyone knows it's true too for nearly all scenarios in life. It's true in a nature - water a seed and it will grow. Dedicate yourself to something, and you will succeed even if it takes some time.
This wasn't an easy lesson for me to really learn.
In my early 20's, I was the queen of feeding the "you're not good enough" dog and it shadowed me for years. It affected my relationships - I found myself constantly waiting for loved ones to roll over and realize what I already knew (that I wasn't "enough") and to bail on me. Being overweight and having PCOS really killed my self esteem. Add that to the abandonment issues that were already exaggerated (a very common side effect of being adopted), and I was a bundle of "I'm not good enough for anyone."
It took getting the rug pulled out from under me to realize that I'm just fine. Sure, I'm not perfect, but there is nothing more fatally deficient about me than anyone else. It took a lot of support from family, friends, and the help of an amazing Therapist to realize this simple lesson. See - but giving up on me and deciding that I wasn't "good enough", I was continuing in self-destructive behaviors like choosing not to nourish my body with healthful things which just added to the obesity problem and my self loathing. I was choosing relationships (or behaviors in relationships) that weren't what I wanted, feeding the "everyone will leave me because I'm not what they want" dog.
It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was feeding the dog that was destroying me.
Over 10 years past all that now, I look at my current life, and ya know what? I guess I stopped feeding that self-loathing dog, because he doesn't come around much anymore. But you know what I did start doing? I started feeding a pair of pups named "I Can" and "I Am". A director believed in me. Which started a chain reaction. Soon enough I realized that "I Can" and "I Am" were with me all along, I just had to start feeding them so that they would grow!
Soon enough, they did!
This wasn't an easy lesson for me to really learn.
In my early 20's, I was the queen of feeding the "you're not good enough" dog and it shadowed me for years. It affected my relationships - I found myself constantly waiting for loved ones to roll over and realize what I already knew (that I wasn't "enough") and to bail on me. Being overweight and having PCOS really killed my self esteem. Add that to the abandonment issues that were already exaggerated (a very common side effect of being adopted), and I was a bundle of "I'm not good enough for anyone."
It took getting the rug pulled out from under me to realize that I'm just fine. Sure, I'm not perfect, but there is nothing more fatally deficient about me than anyone else. It took a lot of support from family, friends, and the help of an amazing Therapist to realize this simple lesson. See - but giving up on me and deciding that I wasn't "good enough", I was continuing in self-destructive behaviors like choosing not to nourish my body with healthful things which just added to the obesity problem and my self loathing. I was choosing relationships (or behaviors in relationships) that weren't what I wanted, feeding the "everyone will leave me because I'm not what they want" dog.
It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was feeding the dog that was destroying me.
Over 10 years past all that now, I look at my current life, and ya know what? I guess I stopped feeding that self-loathing dog, because he doesn't come around much anymore. But you know what I did start doing? I started feeding a pair of pups named "I Can" and "I Am". A director believed in me. Which started a chain reaction. Soon enough I realized that "I Can" and "I Am" were with me all along, I just had to start feeding them so that they would grow!
Soon enough, they did!
I found a strength there. Yes, it took friends I am forever grateful for to show me the way, but that's what friends are for! No one is an island into themselves.
Now, as I sit here writing this, I'm amazed at how far I've come. When I look in the mirror now, I don't see "You're Not Good Enough" anymore. I see "I Am". I am enough for me.
My favorite way to feed the dog is self-talk! Seriously - I've lived along long enough to know that occasionally ya just need a friendly voice telling Self-Loathing and Fear to "Get Lost!". So it's not unusual to see me working out and glancing in the mirror to offer a little pep talk to myself! I've "broken up" with different parts of my body several times (try it! It works!).
That doesn't mean I don't have my moments when I break down and cry about it. Sorrow is part of a healthy life as well. Grief is okay too. During those same deployments, I have a rule: I allow myself 24 hours of being a wreck. I know once I have a kids, this will be a luxury I won't get, but for now, I believe it's reasonable. I get 24 hours after he leaves to be miserable. After that - life goes on.
So what "dog" are you feeding - or not feeding?
Comment Topics:
"Break Up" with whatever dog you're feeding that needs to stop shadowing you.
"Feed" the dog that you want to follow you today.
"Feed" the dog that you want to follow you today.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Considering Going Vegan?
It seems like I keep running into Vegans over the past few years. I myself was a vegetarian from the age of 13-15, and ended up with an iron deficiency it took years to correct. So I haven't really gone back to it, but something has stuck with me from those days.
If I don't pay attention to my meat intake, I'll go veggie again. I find that when I'm focusing on high nutrient, low calorie foods, I end up eating a lot of salads, steamed veggies, beans, etc, and I naturally veer away from meat.
So it's been really great to see all these people turning Vegan as a healthy lifestyle choice. Now, there is a "right way" and a "wrong way" to do ANY lifestyle. Meat in excess will kill you (heart disease). Just veggies can lower your immune system and still make you fat (beer and wine, for example, are perfectly vegetarian friendly, and will still make you sick and/or fat in excess).
If you're thinking about making the change, check out my blogger pal Kyle's 21 day recap of going Vegan by clicking here. Enjoy!
If I don't pay attention to my meat intake, I'll go veggie again. I find that when I'm focusing on high nutrient, low calorie foods, I end up eating a lot of salads, steamed veggies, beans, etc, and I naturally veer away from meat.
So it's been really great to see all these people turning Vegan as a healthy lifestyle choice. Now, there is a "right way" and a "wrong way" to do ANY lifestyle. Meat in excess will kill you (heart disease). Just veggies can lower your immune system and still make you fat (beer and wine, for example, are perfectly vegetarian friendly, and will still make you sick and/or fat in excess).
If you're thinking about making the change, check out my blogger pal Kyle's 21 day recap of going Vegan by clicking here. Enjoy!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Physical Wellness - What's in that milky white Stuff?
We all know that what we put in our bodies is essential to fueling our day to day existence.
When I turned 20, I started getting ear infections. I'd never (to my recollection) had trouble with them before. Suddenly, it seemed to be my body's reaction to any form of stress all of a sudden. I also noticed, as I got older, I developed allergies to pollen. Changes in the weather also left me blowing my nose until I looked like a human relative of Rudolph.
Then someone mentioned "The Singer's Diet", which wasn't much of a change from how I naturally am inclined to eat, except for one thing - No (or limited) dairy. You see, dairy (cow milk particularly) creates and encourages the production of mucus in our bodies. Honestly, when I cut out the cow juice (or cut it back to the occasional cheese, yogurt, or ice cream, rather than a "daily" food) I felt world's better almost immediately... and I lost weight. Most people, it turns out, have some form of mild milk allergy, and usually don't recognize it because symptoms rage from what I was experiencing, to constipation and gas.
Intrigued, I did a bunch of research, and here's what I found:
We are the only animal who wean our own children, only to give them the boiled milk of another animal. Even cows wean their calves off of it. But we decided it's healthy for us to force cows to produce it so that we can drink it? This logic was pointed out to me in high school by a chemistry teacher.
Dr. Spock (no, not the one from Star Trek, the famed 1980's pediatrician the revolutionized the way pediatrics is practiced in the USA) stated: "Cow's milk is not recommended for a child when he is sick-or when he is well, for that matter. Dairy products may cause more mucus complications and cause more discomfort with upper respiratory infections."
I know what you're thinking, "But it's a great source of Calcium and Vitamins, right?" Sure, but also, consider it's intended use. Just like breast milk is to humans, cow milk is intended to help a calf grow to the point where it can eat SOLID FOOD so that it can eat and create the calcium it needs to grow past the suckling point. How do adult cows get their calcium? Through eating leafy greens, just like we should be doing, once we have teeth and can chew and swallow. Also, milk doesn't have the magnesium balance we need to ABSORB the calcium cows milk provides anyway.
(Rumor also has it that the USDA has the highest allowance of mucus and blood in milk when compared to other industrialized countries, but I was unable to confirm this with my research skills. Wouldn't surprise me one bit though.)
So other than "It tastes good," I couldn't find a reason to keep be drinking milk. Sure, I'll have the occasional ice cream, cheese, or yogurt, but it's rarely a "daily" occurance anymore. I lean towards Almond Milk (unsweetened vanilla) whenever possible. Soy milk is a close 2nd, but certain medical conditions I have keep me smart about how much artificial hormones I'm putting in my body (soy milk has estrogen).
Sure, I don't drink a big glass of milky white stuff anymore, but it's perfect in cereal, protein shakes, coffee, and other milk made products. I even bake with it.
The more I learn about what I'm putting it, the better I feel about my fuel choices - and the healthier I feel over all.
Just a little "food" for thought!
Journey on!
When I turned 20, I started getting ear infections. I'd never (to my recollection) had trouble with them before. Suddenly, it seemed to be my body's reaction to any form of stress all of a sudden. I also noticed, as I got older, I developed allergies to pollen. Changes in the weather also left me blowing my nose until I looked like a human relative of Rudolph.
Then someone mentioned "The Singer's Diet", which wasn't much of a change from how I naturally am inclined to eat, except for one thing - No (or limited) dairy. You see, dairy (cow milk particularly) creates and encourages the production of mucus in our bodies. Honestly, when I cut out the cow juice (or cut it back to the occasional cheese, yogurt, or ice cream, rather than a "daily" food) I felt world's better almost immediately... and I lost weight. Most people, it turns out, have some form of mild milk allergy, and usually don't recognize it because symptoms rage from what I was experiencing, to constipation and gas.
Intrigued, I did a bunch of research, and here's what I found:
We are the only animal who wean our own children, only to give them the boiled milk of another animal. Even cows wean their calves off of it. But we decided it's healthy for us to force cows to produce it so that we can drink it? This logic was pointed out to me in high school by a chemistry teacher.
Dr. Spock (no, not the one from Star Trek, the famed 1980's pediatrician the revolutionized the way pediatrics is practiced in the USA) stated: "Cow's milk is not recommended for a child when he is sick-or when he is well, for that matter. Dairy products may cause more mucus complications and cause more discomfort with upper respiratory infections."
I know what you're thinking, "But it's a great source of Calcium and Vitamins, right?" Sure, but also, consider it's intended use. Just like breast milk is to humans, cow milk is intended to help a calf grow to the point where it can eat SOLID FOOD so that it can eat and create the calcium it needs to grow past the suckling point. How do adult cows get their calcium? Through eating leafy greens, just like we should be doing, once we have teeth and can chew and swallow. Also, milk doesn't have the magnesium balance we need to ABSORB the calcium cows milk provides anyway.
(Rumor also has it that the USDA has the highest allowance of mucus and blood in milk when compared to other industrialized countries, but I was unable to confirm this with my research skills. Wouldn't surprise me one bit though.)
So other than "It tastes good," I couldn't find a reason to keep be drinking milk. Sure, I'll have the occasional ice cream, cheese, or yogurt, but it's rarely a "daily" occurance anymore. I lean towards Almond Milk (unsweetened vanilla) whenever possible. Soy milk is a close 2nd, but certain medical conditions I have keep me smart about how much artificial hormones I'm putting in my body (soy milk has estrogen).
Sure, I don't drink a big glass of milky white stuff anymore, but it's perfect in cereal, protein shakes, coffee, and other milk made products. I even bake with it.
The more I learn about what I'm putting it, the better I feel about my fuel choices - and the healthier I feel over all.
Just a little "food" for thought!
Journey on!
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