Physical + Emotional Wellness - Picking Yourself Up.

 "NOTHING tastes as good as Victory feels." - Me

In 2008, I completed my first Triathlon. In 2010, I completed my 2nd Triathlon.
And today - I'm 2lbs away from my heaviest weight since 2009.

Yikes! So what happened? I can blame it on hormones, since my body is going through some craziness that's out of my control. I can blame it on stress, 'cause God knows I've had enough of that going around lately, between planning a wedding, dealing with military stuff, work stuff, and the stress that goes along with having a close family member fight cancer.

I really do have some great excuses.

But when it all comes down to it, the facts are the facts. And facing that you've fallen on your face isn't easy. Especially for someone like me. Some days it feels like that little voice inside my head is just looking for reasons to reinforce that awful feeling for "you're just a failure" all over again.

Well, it's time to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get busy living.

With that in mind, I looked back on some of my triumphs and realized, "I did it once; I can do it again."

It's not going to be easy. It is going to take work. I'll probably be sore, a lot. I'll miss out on some things because I'm choosing NOT to miss out on taking care of myself. I'll find a new normal.

I know I can tone up and lose weight. Not just for the wedding, but forever.

And when my inspiration fails, I know I can remember those closest to me that motivate me without even trying. Like my mom, who fought Endometriosis (one of my conditions as well) AND stayed in shape by teaching Jazzersize THROUGH the pain. Like my dad, who's fighting Pancreatic Cancer by staying active despite his Chemo. Like my friend with 2 kids (one that's special needs) that runs MARATHONS!  If they can deal with what they are dealing with AND take care of their friends and loved ones, then I can CERTAINLY make time to take better care of myself.

Everyone will fail. It's part of life. But I can either wallow in it, or learn from it and move on success.

Hitting a low reminds me that every day is 'decision time.'

So, Hakuna Matata failure. It's time to succeed.

Nothing tastes as good as Victory feels.

Physical + Mental Wellness = You only Fail when you Give Up

Ever have one of those days when you get on the scale and look at your flabby self in the mirror and say, "It's useless,"? I get 'em. And lately, I've been getting them often. Even with how awesome Paleo makes me feel, I get on the scale and lately I haven't lost a single pound since the begining of the month. In fact, I seem to be on the fast track for gaining!

It's so easy to listen to that fatalistic voice in my head that says, "Why try? It's never going to get any better." Trust me. That voice has been loud and clear fairly often in my life. Somedays, it's just hard to empower the tiny voice that says, "This is just another challenge. You'll get there. Just keep working at it."

When I saw this floating around on a health blog I poke my head into every once in a while, I was shocked into remembering that failure really isn't about 'not seeing the results I want'. Failure is about giving up. Giving up on setting goals (because even 5lbs feels unattainable right now) because I don't believe in myself is the greatest failure of all.

So I've grabbed some ammo (aka rallied the troops) and I'm back on track. With only 54 days until the wedding, I'm taking my focus OFF the scale, and putting it ON to completing a program of my choosing starting in July. Something to get me stronger, faster, and leaner so I can out run those zombies (and survivors) during the Run for Your Lives 5k coming up in just 6 weeks, but more importantly so I feel healthy - no matter what the 'number' on the scale is.

After all, "If you build it, they will come." If I put the work in, the results will follow, even with the cards stacked against me. (If you follow my personal blog, you know all about the crazy things going on in my body making weight loss nearly impossible, and weight gain seemingly inevitable.) I've been blessed by so many great, inspirational people in my life, especially when it comes to health issues. I owe it to the wisdom they've given me and to the affection I feel for them to get and stay healthy for as long as possible.

Taking steps to feel healthy should be easy, but self-doubt screams so loudly sometimes. Whether that health includes a healthy body image (which so many of us struggle with), a healthy weight, a healthy relationship, or a healthy state of mind/spirit, true change can seem like an overwhelming task.
But really, it's very simple.

There are 2 rules I plan to follow.

#1 - Make the best choices in the moment to help me reach my goal. Making healthy leaps comes from making healthy choices in the moment, not making BIG choices. Every little choice adds up!

#2 - DON'T GIVE UP!

What are your 2 rules?

Emotional/Spiritual Wellness: Contentment vs Jealousy

(cue Sixth Sense voice) "I see pregnant people."
Well, okay, only pregnant women. I've yet to actually see a pregnant man in person. But lately, there have been several pregnant people around me. Oddly enough, I've also been able to help a friend through her infertility struggles as well, and that's as healing for me as it is for her.

And let's be honest.

I wouldn't be one of those "glowing" pregnant women. I'd be one of these -



Source

Super stressed, high risk, trying to figure out how to make ends meet without a roommate (because he would have to go if a kid was coming home) with increased expenses, decreased income, oh, and did I mention deployments and no one in the area I know well enough to count on (despite my best efforts thus far)?  I'm the cheif breadwinner 'round these parts right now and have always been able to financially support myself, so it would be really weird for me to change those roles anyway.
That's when it dawned on me. I'm pretty lucky.

Not because I battle infertility. My lower abdomen has been making it's disease process well known all week long. It's not nearly intolerable - just annoying.

I feel like I'm lucky because I'm in a beautiful place in my life where I'm able to simply be happy for those that are pregnant, rather than see it as a "there must be something wrong with me as a woman because my body can't do what other body's seem to do so easily."

I feel like I'm lucky because my life is good - with or without children. Without childeren, I have a bit more flexiblity in my "get up and go". I could travel the world without having to worry about packing diapers. I can go for a walk without pushing a stroller.

There was a time when seeing people pregnant started this huge inner conflict. I realized that I was 'shoulding' myself to death. By 26, I figured I should be married, and there I was divorced. I figured I should be a certain size all my life, and I never reached it. I figured I should have a family by 29, but by 29, I was still a family of one - me.

Now, as I round the other side of 32, I've long since internalized the lesson-
 "Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." ~Jennifer James

Choosing to count what you don't have over what you do have is taking the path of Fear. After all, aren't you feeling envious or pained because you're 'afraid' that you won't have it?
Choosing to share in their joy and being grateful for your life is choosing the path of Love. After all, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou

Granted, that doesn't mean I go to baby showers or most young children's birthday parties. (I kinda think young kids birthday parties are a little silly for adults w/o kids to attend.) Emotions when you're dealing with infertility can be tough, and I'll admit, there are times when I choose the path of Fear over the path of Love. Nobody is perfect. But it doesn't mean I can't send my love, or a card, or a gift, or enjoy chatting with them about their new stage in life.  

I'm so grateful to be in a place in my life were I'm done 'shoulding' myself, and 'keeping up with the Jones'. What's right for me, may not be right for everyone else. If we all shared the same life path and template, how boring that would be! But that doesn't mean there is something 'wrong' with me. My biological clock stopped screaming at me years ago and I focus now on feeling good, over choosing to believe that my worth as a woman lies only in my uterus.

What are you 'shoulding' yourself about?

Emotional/Spiritual Wellness: Living Inspired

American Standard - w/ one of co-stars, Craig

In my mid-20's, I had a huge, life changing event. I got divorced. It was truly my worst fear, so I had run from every red flag that the relationship wasn't working out. But moments like these, when we feel completely deconstructed, give us a chance to change the map of our lives. For me, the unspoken cost of divorce wasn't in the money. It was in the friendships I had to let go of because the pain was just too overwhelming (both for me, and for them).

So I realized that I had a choice. I could be alone and miserable, or I could branch out, reach out, and make new friends. That started with my theater group. At that time, I was in a Musical called American Standard. (In fact, the divorce was brought to my attention 3 days before the show opened. Though there is never a "good time" for things like that, it was probably the best timing, in hindsight.)The show sold out on a regular basis, and the cast and crew carried me through. American Standard lifted me up, and in so many ways, reshaped the way I found life today.
After American Standard closed, I got cast in another play.

And after that, another play.

It just continued and grew, and my friendships did as well. A few 'show friends' gave me the pleasure of their company during the show, but a select few stuck around.

Community Theater also hooked me with another handful of inspiring people, and it taught me a lesson I long to pass on (since it's done me so much good).

Surround yourself with people who inspire you to be better.

I don't mean those people who nag you (though sometimes inspiring folks will nag - because they care about you enough to want you to be better). I mean those people who inspire you just by living their own lives. Randy Pausch said, " When you're screwing up, and people stop telling you, it means they've given up on you." Largely, I agree.

And so many of friends do that - Bon Bon inspired me with her willingness to love despite heartbreak, her openness to new things, her athleticism. Doing a Triathlon because she asked me to really changed my life for the better, and resulted in building my confidence.

Craig encourages me to keep going in theater and proves that there is a delicate balance between relationships and showbiz. It's a balance I still struggle to keep.

Jonathon inspired me to be more eco-friendly and not to focus on the "money" of life so much. He's also inspired me to work hard, and follow my heart. I couldn't be more grateful for crossing his path.

Val inspired me with her faith, and her strength to do what was right for her after her divorce.
My Dad inspires me with his positive attitude even when facing Stage 4 Inoperable Pancreatic Cancer.

And that is just to name a few....
And My Sailor has inspires me as well. When I think I can't work out a little harder, I'm reminded of how hard he works. How hard boot camp must have been... and if he can do that, then I can certainly work out a little longer, run a little further, etc.

Even though I may not have many friends locally yet, I have those who inspire me around me in spirit.

Who inspires you? The more people you can learn from, the better 'you' you can be.

What can you learn from someone close to you today?